That's the question I asked my daughter 7 days after her dad's funeral.
"When can we put away the waterproof mascara"?
Their whole lives I tried to protect them from pain and sadness and something so unexpected, something you never thought would happen, happens.
- I can't take away their pain.
- I don't have just the right words to say anymore.
- My hugs, and my kisses don't stop the tears anymore.
I've been reading tons of books and articles on Grieving The Loss of a Parent and trying to figure out how I can help them.
Psychologist suggests keeping his memory alive is the best way to help the children.
So, I decided to dedicate a blog to their dad.
This is my first blog so be gentle on me. I am just learning this type of publishing.
With this blog we are hoping to reach out to other families who feel the pain.
We are hoping that others can share their stories and help us.
And finally....
We are hoping our story can help others.
His name is Joseph W Orlando, Sr. Born February 15, 1962 born to Maria Tortorice and Salvatore Orlando
He died suddenly of a massive heart attack while sleeping.
Just a few days before his son's 16th birthday.
His children:
Kiara
Joseph Jr.
Eventually my children want to set up a scholarship in his memory, and each year it will be awarded to the bowler with the highest average at the High School Joe graduated from.
He was a great bowler and he taught his son to be even a better bowler. (Sorry Joe ;-) But your highest game was a 299.
I am so happy you were there on 8/25/2008 to see your son bowl his 1st 300.
You always knew he would do it!
We will use this blog as a diary to reach out.
We invite friends and family and others out there, to join us.
Those of you who knew Joe, we ask you to please share your stories about him. He had a great sense of humor and always made people laugh.
Let's make the kids laugh again.
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4 comments:
I don't know if there comes a day when you can put the waterproof mascara away, but I know it is easier to remember the great things about someone like Joe especially since there are so many. Perhaps you will find that eventually when you hear his name or you say the word Dad it will be followed by a smile or a smirk because of something even the smallest thing, he may have done that will make you remember how you felt at that time.
One day you will be able to close your eyes and relive that moment over again. I have great memories of him, he was a good man, a decent man, a man that could bring the sun through on a miserable day. The man that could have all of us on his boat waiting to be towed in forgetting about the time because of the laughter and fun each and every time out.
I wish I had been allowed to talk about my mother when she passed away, perhaps it wouldn't have taken me so long to remember the good memories instead of having to look at pictures to recapture something that was hidden so far in the back of my memory. Gina was in all my childhood memories we spent summers, weekends and wonderful times together when my mother was alive. I wish for all of you to have the memories that I
was able to remember and can close your eyes and picture great memories with your Dad, family, and with your cousins....
I'll give you a very early story about....
"Our Family Ranger Stanley Cup Watching"
It is a Tuesday night, June 14th, 1994. I was pregnant with Sean. You were living in Manor Park, Uncle Rob, Mish and I had come out to watch the Ranger Stanley Cup playoffs. Uncle Rob and Daddy as you know were the number one Ranger fans. Kiara had turned 5 in January, Michelle was 2 going on 3 in September, Joey was 1 going on 2 in October, and I was 7 months pregnant with Sean.
Reminding you of how old you were matters because of the ending of this story.
This was one of the Greatest games in New York Ranger history. There were 6 games played already in the series the Canucks winning games 1, 5 and 6, Rangers winning 2, 3, 4, which brings us to the 7th game that anyone can win at this point. The game was at Madison Square Garden. Every Ranger fan is pumped and on edge they haven't won the Stanley Cup in 54 years and this could end their slump.
The game started off with an early 2-0 lead Rangers. Daddy and Uncle Rob were ecstatic. As the game continued the Canucks brought the score to 2-1 still Rangers lead in the second period. In the last few minutes of the second period Mark Messier on a power play brought the Rangers ahead 3-1 once again. At the beginning of the 3rd period, Linden of the Canucks brought the score to 3-2.
Now picture Daddy and Uncle Rob yelling at the t.v., screaming at the players, jumping up and down off the couch as the remaining minutes are coming down and in hockey seconds can mean everything.
The Canucks player Nathan LaFayette hits the puck off the post of the rangers goal as Madison Square Garden silences. There are 37 seconds left in the game and each face off is in the Ranger's end. The chance of the Canuck's bringing it to an even score are greater then anything which will lead to o.t. Everyone is holding their breath through this Daddy and Uncle Rob are silent as they are grasping each others hands on the couch watching intently, not a sound from either of them and all you see is the redness as their hands are clenched almost in agony. The FINAL two seconds are left in the game of course in the Rangers End!
Messier and MacTavish as the puck is dropped commit fouls against a Canuck player Bure by slamming and cross checking him first Messier then MacTavish. There was only 2 seconds left the officials wouldn't call a foul at the last crucial second of the game the RANGERS WIN THE STANLEY CUP!!
Up jump Daddy and Uncle Rob hugging each other screaming as the three of you sleep. They are so excited bouncing up and down as if they are on pogo sticks that as they go to leave the front door of your house to scream on the lawn, they bust through the screen door and fall down the stairs and on to the lawn.
Mommy and I are laughing until the door is almost in pieces, they are now yelling like crazy people along with your entire neighborhood!! Just imagine this sight. BUT this is not it for the excited Orlando-Renner duo, they come in the house wake the three of you up telling me and your Mom that you need to be a part of the greatest piece of history.
Sleep filled eyes Kiara and Mish are being bounced around and told in screaming voices the "RANGERS WON THE STANLEY CUP" Poor Joey was being held by Mommy not having a clue what was going on. The two night owls of course are now wide awake (Kiwi and Mish the night owls) thinking they are now up for the night and it is party time are now screaming with the two biggest kids Daddy and Uncle Rob that the Rangers won. I don't even think you guys new what it meant it was just the excitement from your Father's that made all of you excited.
All in all if you could see the passion in their eyes over the Rangers on a normal season game alone you can only imagine the pandamonium that night was. All of us will always share the 1994 Stanley Cup of the Rangers and the passion of the two "ultimate" Ranger fans Daddy and Uncle Rob.
Now remember at the ages of 5, 2, and 1 the three of you were awakened to what Daddy and Uncle Rob thought was the greatest piece of history ever! To be honest it is one of my greatest earliest memories of all of us together during a time when life was simple and the simple made two men happier then I had ever seen them and that moment they got to share with their families. The Rangers still have not won a Stanley Cup since that year. Perhaps I will always remember the year of 1994 as the year of the Stanley cup when I think of your Dad and Uncle Rob, then it is also the year of Sean Michael but I will still say to this day... Sean was born three weeks early just because he wanted to see what the RANGER fans and his crazy family members were like for himself.
This was just the first of many memories with the four of you, and the four of us even though Sean wasn't born he was still there.
One day you will be able to close your eyes and go deep enough into your thoughts to be able to feel his presence, smell his unique smell, or have a peaceful feeling inside you knowing he is there with you and I know without a doubt in my mind he is.
We love you guys then and always! xoxoxoxo
I wasn't too sure I'd post a comment on this blog anytime soon. For I
have not been wanting to face what had happened so suddenly. But I
know this will be the first of many memories that I will contribute,
And I hope this helps us all...
Just a few moments ago, I walked through my door, and such a great
memory hit me of Joe. I know I will never forget this memory, for I
have thought about it quit a few times in my life since it has
happened...
Turns out, my boyfriend had a flat tire, and while I was standing in
the freezing cold, @ a gas station, 10:30 @ night, a group of 3 ladies
walked up to us, and asked us if we knew where the closest DSW shoe
store was because there friend was parked there, she got lost and
could not find them. My boyfriend and I had no clue as to where
anything really was in the area because I just moved there, and he is
not too familiar...
Someone did pull up for gas, and they seemed to have some sort of help
for these women....As my boyfriend finished up putting a spare on his
car(trust me this all comes together) We got into our cars, and left.
As we were pulling out, these ladies were staring at us, and I felt
really horrible to leave them there, but we really had no freakin'
clue as to where they were speaking of so we were really not of any
good use to them...
But as I was driving, I thought "Hey, If I see a DSW I'll turn around
and offer them a ride, or, at least go back and tell them its further
down the street..." Turns out on my way home, I never saw a DSW but as
I got into my apartment, A great memory hit me....
Oh, I was probably in 3rd grade, which means, Kiara was in 1st and
Joey a little munchkin...We were driving down meadow road from
Smithtown(brooksite) and There was a man walking on the side of the
road. I couldn't believe it, but Joe pulled over and asked him where
he was going, and before we knew it this Native American looking man
was in the front seat....He only wanted to go down the street to the
shopping center...
But I remember feeling sooo terrified yet, comfortable. Terrified, of
the thought- if this man went crazy in the car, yet comfortable
because I knew Joe would never put our safety into total jeopardy.
SIDE NOTE:Joe, your boat put everyone's safety into jeopardy, but we
still love you, and still went on the boat anyway.
I suppose really it was the humility that Joe had that made me okay
with picking up this strange man on the side of the road... How many
people do you know that would actually pick up a hitch hiker?? or even
concider stopping?? It's a wholesome act, even though you could pick
up a serial killer. You would have to be pretty damn kind hearted to
do that...And that's what I loved about Joe the most.
The ride down the road, seemed forever(even though Joe drives like a
maniac) Eventually we dropped the man off and he was on his way...and
I remember Kiara asking.."Daddy, did you know that guy?"..and Joe said
"No Kiwi, he was hitch hiker, he needed a ride"....
Dear Joe,
I really hope you don't have to call Sea Tow anymore.
You gave me so many wonderful memories from my childhood..I was your flower girl!
I will carry with me your jokes, stories, and kind words.
People we love are never far, and every time I hear some thunder, I know it's you bowling a game or two...there you'll be watching over.
Love Always,
Kira.
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